Table of Contents
Stories
The Fatal Flaw p.1
And a Pair of Pants p.36
Incorpora Borealis p.75
Eden p.112
For the Love of Bertha p.158
Blood p.208
Glossary p.208
Excerpt
From: The Fatal Flaw
A plain wood coffin sat on a gurney on the raised platform bedecked with drapes and flowers. When the small crowd settled down, I rose to speak. I barely began to chant the twenty-third psalm when an old man with wild white hair entered the room through the glass doors at the far end, screaming.
"Oh, my God, my kid brother Solly is dead. Good natured Solly, sweet poor boy. Why God, why?"
A man in his seventies stood up in the front row. "Dave. I'm your brother Solly. I'm not dead. I'm fine."
Dave looked at him. "Oh thank God you're alive, Solly. I felt so terrible. Wait a minute. Then, who died?"
"Irwin."
"Oh God, no! My handsome brother Irving is dead. Why God, why?"
Another man in his seventies stood up next to Solly. "Hey Dave, I'm your brother Irving. I'm alive, see? I'm not handsome anymore but otherwise, I'm fine."
Dave looked puzzled. "Then, who died?"
"Our brother-in-law Irwin, Sarah's husband. He's the one who died."
"Irwin? That's all? Oh, thank God."
It went downhill from there.
From: Eden
Maryanne slowly put away her cell phone and took a long sip of vodka, savoring it as it went down. Her eyes were moist.
"Talk to me, Rabbi," she said.
"About...?" I didn't know if she was referring to life in Acadia, our mutual friend Peter, movies, theater or if she was just trying to find a subject that was less disturbing than the one that had adsorbed her on the phone.
"Life, death, good, evil, love, cruelty, why we're on this planet. Tell me everything you know."
There was so much passion in her voice, I wasn't sure what she wanted me to say. "What I know ... about ... all that? To be perfectly honest, not much."
"But you've studied the holy texts, you've spent years in the company of great men ... "
"And women," I thought that would be a salve in case she was a feminist and an opportunity to move away from these very heavy subjects if that's what she wanted.
"So you must know a lot," she rummaged urgently through her purse and came up with a vial of pills. She took one and swilled it down with the remainder of the vodka. She waived to the waitress to bring refills then turned to me.
"So?"
"MaryAnne, all I have are my own beliefs. I don't know for a certainty that they are any truer or more valid than anyone else's. I can't scientifically prove anything if that's what you want."
"I'm not asking you for scientific proof. I want you to tell me what you know."
"That could take a long time."
"That was my oncologist on the phone, Ben. I may not have a long time."
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How Many Rabbis Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb - on the Sabbath?
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"Rabbi, Have I Got a Girl for You!" by Herb Freed
271 Pages, $14.95
Soft cover, ISBN 0-9760437-0-X: Atlas Books/Bellrock Press
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