• Summary
• About the Author
• Table of Contents
• Excerpt
• Ordering Information
• Fear Free Education

Table of Contents

Preface		1
Chapter 1:	Why Putdowns Happen	7
	Scenario	15
Chapter 2:	Leveling	18
	Scenario	29
Chapter 3:	Translating	33
	Scenario	37
Chapter 4:	How Not to Respond to Putdowns	40
	Scenario	55
Chapter 5:	Why Are You the Victim of a Putdown?	61
	Scenario	64
Chapter 6:	Great Attitudes for Responding in a Powerful Way	67
	Scenario	73
Chapter 7:	"I" Messages	75
	Scenario	91
Chapter 8:	Negative Assertion	94
	Scenario	103
Chapter 9:	Neutral Response	105
	Scenario	110
Chapter 10:	Outcrazy the Crazies	112
	Scenario	118
Chapter 11:	Broken Record and Tell Me More	120
	Scenario	126
Chapter 12:	Other Effective Responses	129
	Scenario	133
Chapter 13:	Approaching Change	135
Chapter 14:	Conclusion	141
Appendix:	Suggested Reading and Recommended Resources	147

Excerpt

Why Putdowns Happen

Cletis is a high school boy who has been making choices that have turned out to be problematic for him. He has neglected his chores and has saved little of his earnings from his after-school job, instead he spends his money on compact discs and his time on video games. His girlfriend is unhappy that he calls her so rarely, and his grades are slipping in school, because he hasn't been disciplined enough to do his homework consistently. One day, on his way to work, his car runs out of gas. Figures.He forgot to get gas the day before, and didn't have any money, anyway. He walks the rest of the way to work, arriving very late. His boos, furious that he is late for the third time that week, fires him on the spot. Bummer. He returns home to find his mother upset with him, too. He hasn't done his chores all week. As a consequence, his mom lowers his allowance for the next two weeks, and instructs him to make his own dinner. He grabs a hot dog and goes upstairs to do his homework and to arrange for a ride to school the next day. He gets hooked watching a sporting event on television, then falls asleep. He wakes up that night in time to write a composition for his English class, albeit hurriedly. He gets to bed late and wakes up late the next morning. His mom reminds him to take out the trash. In his tired fog, he takes out the trash and departs on his bike for school, having forgotten to call a friend for a ride. He arrives at school and meets his friends in the hall. "You're in trouble, Cletis. Seems that your girlfriend is going out with Joe Cool Saturday night. She says she's tired of you not calling her. "What else could go wrong, Cletis wonders. He goes to class, only to discover that the paper he wrote for English is not in his notebook. He must have accidentally thrown it away with the trash.

Imagine what the day is like for Cletis. Does he concentrate on his work? Does he disrupt class, or is he attentive? Is he friendly and outgoing to his classmates? There is a new student in one of his classes; does he introduce himself? Is he helpful to his teachers and friends? If an underclassman steps in front of his in the lunch line, what is he likely to do?

Most people agree that under these circumstances, the behavior we would see from Cletis would be less that ideal! He is likely to disrupt or not to attend class, pout, stick to himself, and be generally nasty to all. He might even get in a fight with the underclassman who stepped in front of him on the lunch line! Unfortunately, most of us can relate to Cletis, because he have experienced terrible days like this.

Sigmund Freud called this behavior "displacement", a defense mechanism used by people who are feeling anxious or inadequate. They displace the frustration from one situation to another. For example, Cletis has a bad day, so he takes it out on others. Dad has a tough time at work, so he comes home and yells at his kids or kicks the dog. A teacher has a fight with her husband before school and snaps at her first period class. Battering of women increases in cities where the home football team loses! Unfortunately, this is a very common way that people respond to problems. A much more acceptable way of dealing with these situations is to identify the true feelings and to talk openly about them.